Any advise from anyone?

Any advise from anyone?
Skrivet av	Helpness
I have been in Sweden for a year and a half now and I guess that I have problem with the language still. I should say that my understanding of the language is considered ok but when it comes to write and reply, I felt really left out. I was in school the SFI for 9 months and that\'s explain why I can understand Swedish pretty well. Anyway, I have stop schooling for I am expecting a baby and I felt very sick all days to be able to go to school for now. I do not have friends to just be able to call and chat like I use to do when I am back in my hometown. I feel stress and helpless sometimes. Everyday without fail I am at home reading, watching TV, cooking and I felt so sick especially now that I am pregnant and without girl friends to talk to. I live here in Borlänge and it is such a small city. I do meet people before but it seems that they do not seems to get too close to me in the end for they also said to me that they feel uncomfortable to speak English and most times I struggle and jumble all my swedish as I also know it is a good practice. Where could I go and meet mother who are willing to sit and share our women to women talk? Sometimes I see few mothers with strollers walking with their babies every day and I really envy for not being able to have a close friend here. One more advise from all who reads, I know that smoking is bad for pregnancy women and I have quit the first month of my pregnancy.I just seems to dislike the smell of it now and it will makes me feel nausea. My husband after so many advise and also grumbling from me still smokes in the house at times and sometimes I just feel like crying. He knows the consequences and yet he still keep his bad habit going. Please advise.
Svar på tråden: Any advise from anyone?

I might not be able to help...
Skrivet av bani
...but I can be sympathetic... :-) I have friends who lived in Borlänge for a while, and they were terribly unhappy (at least the woman, who was at home on maternity leave). There was no-one to talk to, they found it quite difficult to make friends. And they are Swedes! So in they end they moved back to their old town. I think you are right in your assessment of "Borlänge" as a small town... It may be more difficult to make new friends in such a non-cosmopolitan atmosphere. If it is any consolation, I also know some very nice people from Borlänge, so I for one do not think it is hopeless! But it always takes longer to make new, close friends when you are grown-up, does it not? It is easier when the child is born and big enough to play outside in the playgrounds. Then one automatically starts conversations with other mothers who are there! That however does not help your loneliness now... If you are worried about not speaking enough Swedish - why not practice as much as you can on your own? Go to the library (another place to meet people), get some easy books and just read. Watch Swedish TV. Listen to the radio. And there are lots of people who _do_ have the patience to wait and listen while you form sentences in Swedish! Are you religious? Even if you are not, the church is a good place to find people to talk to. There is a Catholic church in Borlänge I think (am quite sure), and all Catholics are foreigners joking so there will surely be English-speaking people there! On smoking: I HATE when people smoke indoors, where I cannot escape it! I felt sick when I was pregnant too, it is DISGUSTING! Just keep insisting!!! Get angry! Go out every time he lights up until he gets it! It is a filthy habit on the whole, and if it is so important to your husband to smoke he can surely go outside to do it. Passive smoking is not good for you or the baby, and if he will not listen to you, perhaps he will listen to a doctor at the MVC! Hope you find the energy to write again! :-)

Thanks for the advise
Skrivet av Ainy
I thought all these while I was the only one feeling these way over here but to my surprised your friends have had those feeling too while they were here. Emmm..... that\'s surprising. I thought I could not make so much friends here is because I do not speak Swedish very well but I guess I was totally wrong about that. Even the Swedes have difficulties in making new friends here. I agree with you that we adult have more difficulties in making new friends. It\'s much easier with kids,as they start playing and there you know in the next minutes, they are so close to one another. I do read Swedish magazine,listen to radio and read the newspaper. My inlaws will never speak English with me any more as they also wants me to practise more Swedish these days. I know it is not good to complain so much as I believe that most culture are the same when it comes to an adult trying to make new friends.Maybe I just have to built more confidence in myself to start with. As for religious part, well... I am not and I am also open to all. I could say that I am a very easy going person who easily get along with people especially when they start knowing me. I made quite a few friends here during the last summer as we meet at the beach and out drinking coffee but what a luck for me all 3 have move to another city and one have moved back to Australia. Now that it is winter it is much more difficult making friends.Maybe I just have to wait to the coming summer again. My husband is starting his new work in Sundsvall next month. So I guess I won\'t be having problem smelling his cigarette. He will be home only over the weekend. Come to think about the positve of it,yes.. no more smoke in the house but I will be more lonely not having an adult nor any girlfriend to talk to everyday. I guess I will cope with that as time goes by. Anyway I do appreciate your reply trying to give some points of advise and possibilities. If only you were here in Borlänge, I could have invited you over so we could chat and get to know each other. Thank you once again for the concern and if you don\'t mind telling me about yourself,I would love to hear from you again. How long have you been here or are you born here? Do have any children? Till then bye for now and have a nice weekend wherever you are. Smile:-) Ainy


What rotten luck you have!
Skrivet av bani
Making friends and then have them move to Australia! That sucks... Well, as you say, in any place in Sweden it is easier to meet people in the summer. In the winter people just sit around indoors... You _do_ need a lot of self-confidence, I agree with you there, it is difficult making advances and being rejected over and over! Sounds a bit sad that your husband will be so far away to work (even if he smokes! :-D). You are not moving to Sundsvall then? A little about me (although I try to be a little bit anonymous on the Internet, unusual name and all): I live in Uppsala, married with two girls. I study at the University (but should be done by now, must get cracking, really). Half Irish, half Swedish - there you have me! - but I am born here. Feel like a Swede, usually define myself as a Swedish Catholic, which pretty much sums it up... Have a nice weekend you too!

Late reply
Skrivet av Me again
I don\'t think especially right now that I will be moving to Sundsvall. Just got to bear with it for a while till I gave birth and maybe by the end of the year I would like to go back to my hometown for two months. Hej, I have two kids too. I was supposed to go to Uppsala University in the spring for my Swedish courses but I guess I have to delay that since I am expecting now.

try to..
Skrivet av Alexzandra
Have you ever tried to advitise? You can write in english. Search on this page, there are a group thats called Träffas! Or look at the page "föräldrarkanalen" If it´s to hard to understand, maybe you can find somebody that is willing to help you. It must be someone i our town that feels lonley too, I don´t think you´re alone! Sorry for my terrible english!


I will try
Skrivet av Ainy
No, I have not try to advertise anything before but I will try now. By the way, your English is not bad at all and don\'t be shy to practise it. I am not shy to speak swedish even if it\'s fumbling in between those sentences, I always keep on trying. Thanks for your advise and I will try my luck on the advestisment sites.

Oh dear...
Skrivet av lilla jag
Really wish that I could help as you sound completely desperate. However, we live in Stockholm so I just suggest hanging in there and using the wonderful resources of the Internet to maintain contact with the outside world. Honestly, I really feel for you. It must be awful to be in a situation where you have nobody to talk to. Have you tried talking to your midwife to see if they have any other expecting or new mothers in a similar position? Maybe your mum or another close relative could come visit for a while to cheer you up? (I don\'t know where you\'re from but if it is not too far...) My mum came to visit me when I was pregnant with my first child and that really helped. As for the smoking, I think you should explain to him that it is a prime factor in Sudden Infant Death Syndrom and therefore he MUST stop smoking indoors anyway when the baby is born. Also explain to him that second-hand smoke is almost as harmful to the baby right now as it would be if you smoked yourself. Take care

Is also another good idea
Skrivet av Ainy
I didn\'t thought of it. I mean talking to the midwife and ask them about any mothers who might be in the same situations as me would be a good idea. I know it is an awful feeling not having friends to talk to. I communicate with my friends back home by email daily but it is never the same. I have been discussing with my husband lately about moving to a bigger city after the child is born, we\'ll see. As for my mom, I would really love if she could come and visit me as she is one of my close friend but my elder brother just passed away recently and she is too upset to do any travelling right now. Anyway I do have appointment with the midwife on the 16th March, I will see if there\'s anything she could do to help me. Thanks once again


hi there
Skrivet av Kazzie
Hello, My name is Karin and I\'m not in the same situation as you but still I know a fair bit about how you feel. My husband is from Australia and he\'s going through pretty much what you\'re going through. We\'re having a baby in june. It\'s hard to find new friends just like that and especially when you don\'t speak the language to well. Lots of swedes get intimidated when it comes to speaking english although most of them are pretty good at it. That\'s something that my husband experiences a lot. To his advantage he\'s very open and forward which helps people to relax when talking to him. Anyway, I just thought if you wanted someone to chat to on occasions, who knows a little bit about how you feel, you can email me on [email protected] Hope everything works out for you!

Any advise from anyone?

I might not be able to help...

Thanks for the advise

What rotten luck you have!

Late reply

try to..

I will try

Oh dear...

Is also another good idea

hi there

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